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Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has traditionally served as the safe haven for daily publications, and writers stay alert to significant toilet tales and milestones, especially in relation to football. What a delight it was to find out that Big Website columnist a well-known presenter owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet at his home. Spare a thought about the Tykes follower who interpreted the restroom a little too literally, and needed rescuing from the vacant Barnsley ground post-napping in the lavatory during halftime of a 2015 loss by Fleetwood. “He was barefoot and couldn't find his phone and his headwear,” explained a representative from Barnsley fire services. And who can forget when, at the height of his fame with Manchester City, the Italian striker visited a nearby college for toilet purposes back in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then came in and was asking the location of the toilets, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a student told local Manchester media. “Later he simply strolled around the college grounds acting like the owner.”

The Lavatory Departure

Tuesday represents 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down from the England national team post a quick discussion within a restroom stall alongside FA executive David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat by Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the famous old stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, his confidential FA records, he entered the drenched beleaguered England dressing room directly following the fixture, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams “fired up”, both players begging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies discovered him collapsed – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, whispering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies worked frantically to salvage the situation.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with an England manager as players dived into the water. Merely one possibility emerged. The lavatory booths. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past occurred in the ancient loos of a stadium facing demolition. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I closed the door after us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I can’t motivate the players. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Aftermath

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, eventually revealing he viewed his period as Three Lions boss “empty”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It’s a very difficult job.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. For better or worse, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are no longer present, although a German now works in the technical area Keegan previously used. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Real-Time Coverage

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for women's football cup news concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Daily Quotation

“There we stood in a long row, in just our underwear. We were Europe’s best referees, elite athletes, role models, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with strong principles … however all remained silent. We hardly glanced at one another, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Mute and attentive” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What’s in a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to manage the main squad. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles.

“Since you've opened the budget and awarded some merch, I've chosen to type and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the schoolyard with youngsters he anticipated would defeat him. This masochistic tendency must account for his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|